Coffee With Mo..

well…isn’t it?

• Some years back, I lived a short distance from the Chesapeake Bay in southern Maryland. One lazy autumn afternoon, as I walked along the shore, reluctantly saying goodbye to the last of summers warmth, I took a seat on the sand to soak in the awesome beauty. I sat there watching the waves roll out to the bay and back to shore as the sun, with shades of orange and red began to set over the horizon. I was feeling a tab bit solemn. Just a few months prior my mood had been euphoric. Why the change? Possibly because summer is my favorite time of the year.
• In July, knowing there were a few months left of summer, I felt happy. Autumn, on the other hand signaled the end of the season I enjoyed most, and the beginning of the cold winter months.

• We’ve often heard the term, “It’s All About ME” & it’s certainly been overused during the past 40 years. In my story, however, M.E. = My Emotions….as I have found that much of what we do is based on how we are feeling. In researching the number of emotions on the internet, 27 is the magic number I found when searching the internet, although, I could easily list many more than 27. I recently heard that of all the emotions, Love and Fear are the two that will move you.  Think this over for a minute and you may remember a time when you found yourself in such a scenario.

• There are groups who study people and look for key words or “emotions” to move us. They want us to make decisions that often cause us to make choices that tend to benefit someone else, not us.
• If someone wants to sell you something, it can be easy to follow along and buy into it, not really considering if it is the best thing to do, because you may not ask the right questions to get all the facts. This can cause you to make an emotional decision, not an intelligent one. Making decisions based on emotions alone, too often cause regret. 
• We allow all sorts of emotions to rule us when we should stop and ask ourselves if this is really what we want, or what is best. We may be easily swayed, if we are not thinking through the choice. Often, when we have taken more time to think about it, we find it was not the decision we would have made if we weren’t feeling pushed, coerced, sweet talked, or guilted into it…Overspending on holidays & birthdays..following societies suggested days on the calendar like Valentines Day, Mother’s & Father’s Day, impulse spending at the checkout line. You can see where I’m going with this. 

• Ever received an invitation for a time share presentation where you were told you “deserved” it? We seldom if ever “deserve” anything. Sure I’ve wanted and felt like I would enjoy such a vacation, but to pay for it all year and spend only a week there, sometimes two? Not for me. Knowing you could not afford a vacation, let alone pay all year for it, and yet you sign on the dotted line. Perhaps that is why we have a 3 day right of rescission in the U.S.
• You guess it..I went on the timeshare tour. It was tough, really tough, and the more I said “No”, more reps were added to try and persuade me otherwise. In the end, however, it was, “No”.
• Feeding & caring for my children for the next year was the most important thing on my mind. (And the free gift was like a toy)
• It might surprise you to find you are making decisions you might not otherwise make if you were in a different frame of mind. Would you have declined letting someone cut in front of you if you were having a bad day, but approved if you’d been told that day that you’d received a raise?

• Sometimes you feel that others hurt your feelings by telling you, “No”, when actually you’ve “set yourself up” by making them feel guilty in order to get them to do something you want them to do.  Take that same scenario where someone uses guilt to get you to do what they want, and instead of saying,” No”, you do it. You later chew yourself out for allowing this to happen over and over. It is not just your emotions that are affected, you are also teaching that person to continue their bad behavior.
• Did these decisions leave you feeling as if you weren’t sure you made the best choice for you? Did you make the decision based on fear, or because you loved someone and didn’t want to hurt them or see them hurt? Did giving in to their manipulation help either of you grow?
• Maybe you’re having a busy day and you agree to something, and you’re not thinking about the outcome at the time. Next go around, give yourself time to stop & think through things before deciding. Those folks who get what they want with manipulative behavior are likely using this tactic on more folks than just you.

• Here’s an example I’ll use. We are not on the same playing field and we can’t all do the same thing. I’m not a big shopper, & I budget my money tightly for necessary things. If I’m invited on a shopping trip with some friends who like to shop and I can’t afford to overspend, it should not matter whether or not they can, that is not my business. When faced with the invitation, my 1st choice is, should I go shopping at all? What will I do when I feel pressured to spend? Do I have self discipline? You see, I may feel pressured to spend as they do or feel left out if I do not. I should know myself well enough not to get in situations that will make me feel pressured. Make wise choices before you get in that box and don’t let it be all about M.E.  Have a Great Day & Always Count Your Blessings! Sincerely, Mo